


Yiff-Me-Knot

by akgerhardt



Category: Homestuck
Genre: A/B/O ABO Heat, Anal creampie, Begging, Belly and Throat Bulges, Big ol' furry cock, Biting, Blow Jobs, Body Hair, Claiming, Cum/Come Inflation, Dom/sub, Fanon PWP, Hair Pulling, Jake is a goofy gentleman and Dirk is Into It, Knotting, Lovey-Dovey Safe/Sane/Consensual, M/M, Mpreg, Praise, Scents & Smells, This is someone else's Kink List but I am shameless and sorry, Transformation, alpha/beta/omega, aphrodisiac, mild denial, stomach rubs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2019-11-08 20:57:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17988398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akgerhardt/pseuds/akgerhardt
Summary: Sometimes, you just have to follow your instincts.





	1. Chapter 1

Your name is Dirk, and you really want to get out of here.

Here being the stupid gay club Roxy dragged you to with the promise of free drinks. You don’t dance, you don't appreciate the ostentatious flamboyancy, and, most importantly, you don't know anyone except for her. She ditches you to throw ones at a stripper, and you are in denial of just how fucking awkward and uncomfortable you feel.

If not for her, you would have left already. She stopped drinking years ago, but you still don't trust any of these rowdy motherfuckers with her wellbeing. No, you will sit at this stupid bar at this stupid club, surrounded by stupidity until she's ready to be escorted home. You’re the best friend. It is you.

     “Howdy doodly, neighborino!”

You spit mid-sip as a large hand pats you on the shoulder, and proceed to cough violently.

     “Are you alright?! Sorry if I gave you a start; I've been told I have a habit of sneaking up on people unintentionally.”

You wipe your mouth, glancing up. Oh. Oh, no. He’s hot.

He’s tall, thick, buff, hairy, and simultaneously grizzled and dorky-looking. Jesus Christ, his shorts leave nothing to the imagination.

“... Can I help you?”

     “Actually, I came over with the intent of helping _you_! You looked rather lonesome, so I figured I'd offer company!”

“Thanks, I guess. The name's Dirk.”

     “Call me Jake!”

“Jake.”

…

     “Oh, I didn't mean that as a literal command... Heheh.”

“I knew that. Just fuckin’ with you.”

Jake sits on the adjacent stool, manspreading way too far.

     “Right. So, Dirk, what brings you here?”

“An overly-enthusiastic party animal.”

You point to Roxy, who is now making it rain monopoly money. She’s down to her backup reserve. The guy probably got twenty bucks from her already, so he can't complain.

     “I see. She looks quite charming!”

“Go for it, man. We're just friends.”

     “Oh, no, I- Sorry! I wasn't-”

Shit, you never thought a hulking lumberjack dude was capable of emotions other than Pure Mangrit, but here he is, stammering like a kid trying to ask out his first date. Wait, no. There’s no way he-

     “My apologies. What I meant to say is… Could I buy you a drink?”

“Y-Yeah, sure, thanks. Uh, I already have one though. Can I take a raincheck?”

     “How unobservant of me! Well, ah, how about I give you my digits for an I.O.U at your leisure?”

He makes two finger guns and winks, still nervous but trying to play it off.

“Sounds good.”

He fumbles to retrieve his phone, swapping for yours. You don’t know how he can type on such a small keyboard with those bara fingers, but he manages.

“So, you a regular here?”

     “Hardly, heheh. It’s just that time of year, you know? A man's got to follow his instinct. And… And you-”

You raise an eyebrow. He stops himself, visibly sweating. Ugh, your phone's wet now.

“... Me?”

     “Nevermind, sorry... I'm making a right mess out of this, so I'd best stop myself before I can fall further behind.”

“You lost me, dude.”

...

     “That’s quite understandable. I do apologize for wasting your time with my tomfoolery; I should be going, anyways.”

“What?

… Wait, no- You took that literally this time, didn't you?”

     “Er… yes?”

“Maybe we should start over and leave all idioms at the door.”

He tilts his head, not unlike a confused German Shepherd.

“Starting now. No fancy talk.”

     “But fancy talk is all I have!”

“Highly doubt that.”

     “I- I don’t know how to speak in the manner you're referring to. I'm not sure I'm capable of it.”

“Ok, then, just be direct. State what's on your mind.”

     “... Are you sure?”

You nod.

...

     “You smell divine, and you look like heaven. Your sweet aroma caught my attention before I even saw you.”

You weren’t expecting that, to say the least.

“... Cool. Thanks?”

He leans closer hesitantly and, when you don't pull back, starts sniffing you. What the fuck. Maybe this is a bad idea, but you’re thirsty, so you’re not going to quit yet.

...

     “Tell me, Dirk. Are you looking for a mate?”

“I… am now.”

His eyes light up.

     “What luck! So am I! I'm… not from around here, you know.”

“I can tell.”

     “You can?!”

He glances around quickly, then lowers his voice.

     “Is it that obvious?”

You’re still pondering an appropriate response when Roxy materializes next to you. You jump, then sigh mentally in relief, mainly due to the distraction she's offered.

           “Psst. Di-Stri. Imma head out with some veritable, longtime, background-checked comrades, k?”

“Have fun. Be careful.”

           “You too~”

She waggles her eyebrows at both of you, then winks before disappearing into the throngs again.

“... So, wanna fuck or something?”

He practically falls off of his stool.

     “Great Scott! Right here?!”

“No. Why the hell would- I mean, you can come to my crib, if you want.”

     “You have a crib?”

“Broke my own rule. Just come home with me, and we can take it from there. Sound good?”

He nods excitedly.

As you walk, he becomes more relaxed, chatting away while you try to keep up. He was adopted and raised alone by a woman he calls his grandma on an island in the Pacific while he learned the ins and outs of his “condition.” He was sent here as an exchange student because she forged his files, and he’s been having a “rollicking good time! No monsters to evade, pretty gals, _and_ quality cinema!” “Monsters?” you ask. “Well, yes. I rather dislike their realness attribute.”

…

He carries on until you arrive, proceeding to compliment you on the place.

     “You yourself are quite the looker, so it only makes sense.”

You relock the door, then flop down on the bed.

“Think so? Damn, thanks.”

He joins you albeit awkwardly, mattress dipping under your combined weights. You scoot nearer to let him know you're comfortable. He tries to be subtle as he takes another whiff.

     “I've never met an omega, let alone such an attractive one,” he murmurs.

“... What?”

     “You _are_ an omega, are you not?”

“N… No? Not sure what that means.”

...

     “Good gravy, I've really done it now. Sorry; what are you then? I was so sure your scent is that of one about to go into heat, so I figured we were on the same page.”

“Heat? Like dogs do? ... You know humans don't have those, right? I get that you've been isolated, but that’s basic biology.”

     “... Oh, god. You’re a human. How could I be so blind?”

You’re pretty confused and concerned about this man's psychological state.

     “Right, well, I'm what you'd call a werewolf.”

“The fuck.”

     “Yes, that’s what I was hoping we’d do. This is a real curveball, though.”

“... Can you prove it? No offense, I've just never seen that shit outside of fucking Twilight.”

The reference seems to go over his head, but at least he's not offended. He furrows his brow for a moment, and then a pair of wolf ears spring up atop his head. He grins, sharp canines visible.

“Holy shit!”

     “Took a while to master, heheh. Thankfully my gran taught me how to control it when I was still young.”

His sideburns are even bushier now, as is the rest of his body hair.

“Holy shit, take me now.”

     “Er, take you where?”

“Fuck me.”

     “Oh! Happy to oblige! I just need to figure out the logistics, as you're likely not… built for our form of canoodling.”

“Dude, I've used horse dildos. I can handle it.”

     “Are you certain?”

You nod determinedly. He grins again, and you really want those pointy teeth sinking into your skin.

     “I feel incredibly fortunate for this opportunity. Just, ah, keep me in the loop if you change your mind, alright?”

“Will do.”

He takes off his glasses and closes his eyes for a moment, doggy ear twitching. An unidentifiable, yet pleasant aroma begins to radiate from him. It’s turning you on for some reason.

     “You've no idea how hard it is to suppress.”

“Can I make a request?”

     “For sure!”

“Bite me, please.”

     “... I was afraid to ask for permission.”

“Well, now you have it. Mark me up, wolfman.”

He chortles nervously, then leans in to kiss you. The sensation is electrifying, and he tastes almost unbearably sweet. You find that you can't get enough of it. He maps out your mouth with his tongue as you move passionately against him, and then he nips you lightly, not breaking the skin. You still keen.

When you finally break for air, he wastes no time in exposing and biting the junction of your neck and shoulder. You whine, grabbing at his shirt. He sucks for a moment, then kisses the spot in apology.

     “Good?”

“Y- Yeah.”

     “Good,” he croons. He brushes his lips against your ear, voice husky. “I'm going to make you mine~”

You don’t think you’ve ever been so hard.

He pulls off your shirt and alternates between nips, nibbles, sucks, and sinking his teeth in all over your upper half. He presses kisses intermittently as well, going so far as to toy with your nipples while caressing and massaging your body, which is now aching for him. He flicks his tongue over one, then sucks, rolling the opposite between his fingers before alternating. You moan, arching your back, and he slips a hand down past your navel, teasing and playing with the hem of your pants. You need him to touch you, now.

“P- Please-”

     “Please what?”

You yank his wrist, placing his meaty palm over your crotch. He makes a surprised noise.

     “My, my, so impatient... Be good for me, and you'll get it.”

He withdraws, and you whimper, squirming in place as he takes off his own shirt. His chest is insanely hairy, just like the rest of him.

     “Show me how much you want it. No hands.”

You comply in a haze, eagerly mouthing his clothed dick. He moans, pulling at your hair as you continue. You manage to shimmy his thin shorts down with your teeth, not surprised to see he went commando. You take a deep whiff of his musk, burying your face in his happy trail for a moment, and he makes a flustered noise. He has a thick werewolf cock. It’s your lucky day.

You’re overwhelmed with his scents and want to taste him more than anything on the planet. You lick at his slit, then press your lips to the head. He tightens his grip in your hair as you run your tongue along the veins on the side, all the way to the base. You start taking his cock into your mouth, and he’s fighting to stay still. You rub your tongue over the slit again and suck to coat it with more of his precome, savoring the salty taste. He whines, and you take it in further, humming as it stretches your lips. Saliva dribbles down your chin as it hits the back of your throat, and you swallow. He gasps. You can feel it making a bulge in your neck, but you want his entire length. You suppress your gag reflex, taking it deeper- this isn't your first time at the rodeo. He rubs at the spot where it juts out, then presses against it. You swallow again, groaning. More precome drips down your throat.

     “God, you’re beyond incredible... You’re- You're doing wonderfully, Dirk. You’re so good, so, so good-”

The praise goes right to your dick, and then you're sucking him off, bobbing your head as you go back down repeatedly to brush your lips against the pubic hair at the base. He moans blissfully.

     “A- Ah… Dirk, I'm close; don’t want you to choke-”

It only encourages you to speed up your ministrations, and he comes in your mouth. It’s much more than you anticipated, but you swallow mouthful after mouthful to keep it from spilling out. He lasts a ridiculous amount of time, and you can feel yourself getting full, but you keep going. You want every last drop in you.

By the time he finishes, your stomach is swollen, but deliciously so. You pull off his still-hard dick and lick your lips, catching the rest with a finger along your chin and sucking that clean as well. He collapses to his knees as you both catch your breath, placing a hand shyly on your tummy. It strains to keep it all down, and you hiccup as he rubs it.

     “... Such a lovely look on you. I daresay you can hold the rest.”

“... There’s more?”

     “Werewolf problems,” he laughs embarrassedly. “Let’s take care of you now, shall we? You’ve been so good for me, and you deserve your reward~”

You struggle to get out of your jeans and briefs, sighing in relief once they’re off. He wastes no time in going down on you, and his tongue feels fucking amazing. You don't last long.

As you recover, you retrieve the lube, and he lowers you back, spreading your legs. He warms it up in his hand before tracing a finger around your hole, and you arch your hips towards it, already feeling the heat build inside of you again. He presses a thick finger into your hole slowly, watching your expression for signs of discomfort. When you show none, he slides another in, stretching you carefully. He eventually crooks them, finding your g-spot.

     “You’re so tight… So hot and pounding. Tell me how much you want it.”

Your dick throbs, and you swallow hard. You’re past shame.

“Want it. Want it so bad. Want you inside of me. Fuck me. Make me yours.”

     “You’re already mine~”

He removes his fingers once you're sufficiently prepared, lining his cock up.

     “Ready?”

You nod eagerly, bunching the sheet in your hands as he presses in. You’re already erect again, and his scents are driving you mad. Maybe _you_ went into heat somehow. What the fuck. You can't bring yourself to care, because you're having the time of your life.

He’s fucking huge, stretching you out fully. Your skin strains against his girth again, and your lower abdomen has a prominent bulge. He massages it once he's buried to the hilt, and you moan in pleasure. It feels way too good.

When you've adjusted, he pulls out most of the way, then thrusts back in, increasing speed and force as you fall into a rhythm. Soon, he's slamming against you, making the mattress creak and your tummy slosh as he jolts your entire body back and forth. After several minutes, you can feel the head widening, and something deep inside of you seems to change. He thrusts a couple more times, giving another warning. You tighten your grip on his shoulders, pulling him closer and clenching around him. He locks into the new space that formed, and then he's coming, hard. He fills you to the brim, managing to jerk you off in the process as well. He pumps your dick as he works you through the last spasms. Once the knot is gone, he collapses atop you, kissing you tiredly in the afterglow.

     “How’re you feeling?” he pants.

“Full, but good,” you sigh as he snuggles up against you. You stroke his hair and he smiles fondly, lightly caressing your round tummy so as not to upset it. You fall asleep like that, beyond content and satisfied. When you both wake, he instructs you to hand him the discarded clothespile and puts it underneath your ass, proceeding to pull out gradually. Come seeps out of your hole, puddling on it. He cuddles you, still sleepy, smooching your belly before burying his face in its softness and nuzzling it, rubbing whatever parts are currently exposed. You realize that your stomach managed to absorb the rest of his load, and now you really need to pee. You give him a couple minutes, not wanting to ruin the moment. Besides, he’s fucking adorable, and it feels nice. More come seeps out of you as he continues his ministrations, and the gurgles in your gut gradually stop, pressure relieved.

     “You’re the perfect mate... What’s it like, being claimed?”

“Amazing~”

He gives you yet another toothy grin, then changes back to normal, helping you to the shower. You realize that you'll be stuck doing laundry before he can leave, but it was worth it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (POV shift)

Neither of them expected it to turn out this way. It was supposed to be a one-night-stand, or, rather, a one-heat-stand. Jake returned regularly over the following weeks, and Dirk helped him ride it out in the most literal sense. Pure charity, alright. He’s a model of altruism.

They find a million different ways to screw, each more pleasurable than the last for Dirk. He’s probably just getting used to being rammed by a fucking huge werewolf cock. For whatever reason, he wants more of it- craves it, even. He takes him in in a hazy, fervent passion, and Jake comes undone, reduced to a whimpering mess.

“Land sakes alive, Dirk… How do you have so much stamina?”

     “Feels good,” he half-shrugs, half-grunts, shoving Jake in deeper.

The first time he bottomed from the top was kind of hilarious. He enjoyed his reactions, to say the least, and decided to amplify them as much as possible. He can now slide up and down at a pace that makes his dick bounce comically. Jake groans, tightening his grip on his hips and leaving faint claw indentations. When he peaks, Dirk is prepared, clenching around the knot as it deposits inside of him. His body has adjusted to take his entire load, and he comes just from the sensation of it.

They pant and huff as they recover, Jake rubbing the cute (albeit large) swell in front of him.

“Better?”

Dirk nods, stifling a satisfied moan.

“... And here I thought _I_ was the feral one.”

     “Fuck off,” he mutters happily.

“What?! Again?”

      _“Metaphor.”_

“Right, I knew that… To be fair, though, your appetite’s become something ferocious as of late!”

     “Mm...”

He's already falling asleep. He smiles fondly, pressing their lips together in a chaste kiss before laying beside Jake.

When they wake, Jake predictably complains of Soggy Dick Syndrome, and they fumble to position themselves over the goddamn mop bucket they started using to contain the mess. He pulls out slowly, then proceeds to give Dirk’s tummy TLC. He knows that he’s weak for any attention there, and he loves having an excuse to provide it. He massages and smooches him all over (as per usual), but that dadblasted spot in his upper abdomen is still causing trouble. He frowns as he works around the area, but Dirk is unbothered.

“Does that… hurt?”

     “Nah, s'fine. Feels nice when you rub it.”

“I don’t think it’s supposed to be there,” he mumbles, continuing his ministrations. "It's like a bunch of muscle spasms."

     “Mhmmm…”

“So, I've succeeded in downgrading your eloquence? That's quite the honor.”

Dirk either isn't paying attention or doesn't care enough to reply. Jake just caresses him in silence after he’s finished, admiring his blissful expression. Dirk eventually opens his eyes and brings his fingers back up to poke at the aforementioned lump absentmindedly.

     “M’ starvin’.”

“Yes, I figured as much,” he chortles. “I swear, you get more ravenous by the day.”

They clean themselves and proceed to chow down on microwaved veggie meats, sharing three whole boxes as their single daily meal. It would be pretty disgusting to watch- they don't even bother using utensils. Dirk has standards, but he stopped caring in these circumstances. Thanks to Jake, his freezer is stashed with fake burgers, snausages, and the likes these days. The irony of a being a beefy vegetarian wolfman does not escape him, but Jake insists that he’s human enough to maintain such a diet. His grandma is ninety-two and her physical health has remained intact all her life. Her senses are as sharp as ever, and she can wrestle with creatures twice her size! Surely that's proof enough.

     “... Whatever, man. Still doesn't make sense.”

“How so?” he bristles. “My grandma is very smart!”

     “Yeah, but… is she one of those people who thinks carnivores can live without meat?”

“Oh! Good heavens, no. I understand your confusion now.

Real wolves obviously need it, but we don't. If you'd ever like to join the dark side, I'd be glad to teach you the ins and outs!”

      “Thanks; I'll consider it. This shit is fucking delicious- better than the original... Don’t tell Roxy or she'll chase me around with tofu again.”

He snort-laughs, slapping him lightly on the back as he recalls that story.

“Not to worry. There's some really nasty brands here; I had to learn which ones were palatable through trial and error. I'd forgo the fake stuff entirely in favor of other proteins, but I'm a flesh-and-blood man, you know? _I like meat,_ but I don't like meat, so I had to compromise… Whoah, slow down there, chap! You'll make yourself sick!”

Dirk continues to cram bacon into his mouth like it's no one's business. Jake is somewhat horrified at the progression he's been witnessing since they met. Dirk seemed so composed at first- cool, calm, and collected. Did… he do this? No; that’s impossible.

He’s really going to town, tearing into them like a goddamn animal. Oh, god. Maybe he did do this. But how?

Guilt and panic overwhelm Jake until he finally interrupts. He’s incoherently quiet at first.

     “Hm?”

“I think I gave you The Werewolf.”

He raises an eyebrow, still chewing.

     “What, ‘ike an STD?”

“I don't know, I don’t- gah! What have I done?! I'm an oblivious dunderfuck...”

     “Dude, relax. I feel great. Better than ever, to be honest.”

“You’ve been gobbling down inhuman amounts of wheat gluten and soy like a dog's breakfast. And- And you've been acting differently. Not in a bad way! Just… more intense in bed, not against being rough-”

Dirk winces sheepishly. He knows those hickeys will take a while to heal.

     “I'm sorry; dunno why I got so carried away...”

“You’re physically changing; that’s why! Oh, Christ on a bike; you need to see my grandma!”

     “What would that even accomplish? I kinda have responsibilities to attend to here-”

“She always told me to use protection; I just thought since you're a biological male and human it-”

      _“Jake_. I'm fine. Look at me; I'm healthy as a horse.”

“You're certainly as hairy as one.”

     “... Ok, maybe something’s off. But can we give it time instead of jumping right on a plane to fuck knows where? I'm in the middle of four projects with deadlines.”

“Alright; I'll concede to that... Please promise you'll tell me if you aren't feeling well.”

     “Deal.”

His symptoms exacerbate, as predicted. The horniness, physicality, and large appetite seem to be his new default, and he has to shave much more frequently than before. When his teeth sharpen enough to have noticeable fangs, he finally accepts his reality.

“I know this isn't the most opportune moment, but by gum do you smell sweet.”

     “Thanks. It’s authentic furry cologne.”

Jake blinks, confused.

     “That omega musk you were talking about. I have it now, right?”

“I… think so, yes. But it’s not heat or even preheat, because I'd be all over and in you, heheh…”

Dirk snorts, continuing to scritch his hair with his free hand as he works. He really is like a goddamn dog.

“There’s another type, but I can’t recall what it is… Either you have an ailment, or… Oh, _no._ Oh no. I fucked up. I fucked you up. You- You're…”

     “I'm what?” he laughs, a nervous edge to his voice. Jake stammers and starts apologizing profusely.

     “Dude, just tell me already. I'm obviously not sick.”

“... You’re carrying.”

...

     “And that means…?”

“I seeded your garden. Built an oven and put a batch of buns in.”

They both look down at his stomach, which they figured was the result of overly large meals and/or repeated jizz ballooning. Dirk pokes it yet again, eyes wide.

“It’s not too late to undo.”

     “... On second thought, I could go for a spontaneous vacation.”

* * *

 “You’re sure you don't feel sick? Not even slightly uncomfortable?”

He shakes his head, grabbing his luggage before Jake can.

     “Maybe it's just… a food baby that got lost.”

“I admire your optimism,” he chuckles half-heartedly.

When they arrive, his grandma wastes no time in hugging and then grabbing him by the scruff of his coat, hauling him off as Dirk follows. Damn, she really _is_ strong.

                 “What was the most important rule? The one you swore up and down to observe?”

“... _Don't be silly- wrap your willy._ I'm sorry, Gran; I didn't think this was possible since he-”

                “Save it… At least you have a friend now. Or seven.”

They exchange an awkward glance.

She brings them to her research facility, releasing Jake to unlock it. Inside is a metric shitload of Sciency Stuff and prototype technologies. They chill for a while to ease the tension, and then she runs a couple tests, finishing with an ultrasound. There are at least eight wiggly lumps, and Dirk is trying to stay calm as she tests their stimuli responses. Shit, so it wasn’t butterflies he was feeling.

...

                 “You’ll be fine... If you two had waited any longer, I wouldn't have been so sure. I'm going to explain a few things and then lay out your options.”

He nods, and Jake tightens his grip on his hand, stroking with his thumb in a soothing manner.

                “Unfortunately, it's not possible at the present to “cure” or reverse your mutation. It’s recessive in most people born with it, as one or both of Jake’s parents likely were. It can be transferred through affected wolf bites, shared needles, and prolonged exposure to bodily fluids. A puppy broke the skin by accident when I was on my first field research assignment- I obviously didn't know he was a carrier! Or, is. The gene extends longevity in bonafide wolves... Hehe, _bone_.”

Jake laughs, relieved to be out of the guilt corner.

                 “My life didn't change a whole lot after that day, but I did learn that we exist and decided to dedicate resources to this endeavor... Anyway! It’s not important to learn about your quirks right now, just reproduction. I haven't had a lot of experience or subjects to derive knowledge from, but from what I've gathered, biological females can have hybrids in the mammalian way. They get the regular suckiness on top of growing six to ten boobs and dealing with super speed and sharp teeth, so the only ones I've met came to me to be spayed, so to speak. Guess word travels fast when you can howl, hehe! Ok, so the reason _you_ were even capable of this is because you're an “omega.” It’s not a physically observable phenomenon outside of wolfhumans, and it would have put you in a very dangerous position- but I won't let that happen, so no need to worry!

                 Those little jumping beans inside of you are just unstable clusters of cells akin to parasitic tumors- they can't develop into humans, wolves, or anything in between. If they were left alone, they'd eventually get big enough to kill you.”

     “Adorable.”

“At least you don’t have rows of tiddies,” he shudders.

                “I'm not finished, though! They need to be removed, along with the pseudo-womb you grew. It’s a quick and painless procedure! Then, you can choose what to do-”

     “Like, jar them? Because my bro collects-”

                 “No, no! Jeez… What I was trying to say is that I can either void them or put them into an embryonic chamber. From there, they could become normal humans or wolves! But not humanwolves, since I'd have to use a gene switch.”

His mind is already made up, but he pauses to poke around yet again. Heh, it tickles.

     “The world needs more wolves; they’re rad as hell. There’s too many humans. Also, I'm not dad material.”

“Me neither!” he cheers.

                  “I was hoping you'd say that,” she sighs in relief.

    “You were? Could've told me from the start.”

                 “It’s your decision! I wanted you to think it up.”

“She wouldn't’ve grown human babies- her whole thing is conservation! Save the wolves and whales and what have you. There are so few left that-”

She whaps him affectionately with her rolled up diagrams.

                “I might have entertained the idea…"

Jake shakes his head.

               "Fine; it was wolves or nothing. Sorry, but overpopulation is a serious issue, and even real ones can't think or feel pain!”

     “Beam them up, Scotty.”

“... So, that settles it?”

    “Yep, great meeting; very informative. I'm indebted to you for life, and I will pay you to fix me ASAP.”

Two months later, they return to behold a litter of puppies under the care of the island pack. They’re fucking precious. Jake weeps openly over this attribute, while Dirk tries his best to maintain composure. He makes it past the tiny tail wags and wobbly steps but breaks at the first nose kiss. Soon, they're lying on ground, surrounded by love.

“They have your hair and my eyes!”

     “No, they don’t; that would be terrifying,” he laughs, tears of joy flowing freely as he cradles two.

“Just joshing,” he grins, petting four at once with his bigass hands.

They spend the summer helping to raise them but mostly dicking around and exploring the island. She teaches Dirk how to manage his condition, and they don't regret staying, because a week into their trip he wakes up as a wolf and flips the fuck out. He slowly gets the hang of mastering transformation, and then he’s going full furry at his discretion, running around with the pack and doing embarrassing dog shit. He swears he'd never stoop to the English level of dorkitude, though.

They'll release the pups into the wild once they’re old enough, then opt to move in together when they return to the States. Jake gets a vasectomy just to be safe, but a post-op blowjob makes it all better. Dirk doesn't question his continued ability to nut loads- can’t look a gift horse in the mouth. He now takes a suppressant so that he can eat regular food again and avoid shaving every four hours. Jake doesn't trifle with such matters- he’s a goddamn animal both literally and metaphorically. The floof is nice to cuddle with, though.


	3. Chapter 3

(Just a cute pic I found by TheMockingCrows on DeviantArt!)

 

**Author's Note:**

> The proceeds from this went to the Wolf Conservation Center, because irony. Please support them if you have dough to spare! 
> 
> Information on other reputable nonprofits and how to get involved can be found at akgerhardt on Tumblr. 🐾


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